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Use Words to Build Up One Another

 Elizabeth Rosner

May 22, 2017

Use Words To Build Up One Another

Elizabeth Powell Rosner


“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive.  1 Corinthians 10:23 (NIV)

I work in a testing center on a university campus.  As you can imagine, we often encounter people who are not at their best, besieged by anxiety, frustration, confusion, and doubt.  My co-worker, Sherry, and I are prayer warriors and we frequently intercede for our center, and our examinees.  Several weeks ago, we had a large group testing over a period of three days.  During this time, we tested over a hundred students.  Tammy called and was exceptionally rude on the phone, complaining that her GPS was not taking her to the correct location.  I gave her directions  and told her we looked forward to seeing her.  She hung up on me.  When she arrived, she was visibly agitated, quite curt in her tone with me, heaving a loud sigh when I requested her government ID.  I admit, at this point it was rather late in the day, I was tired too, so the last thing I wanted to do in my flesh was ignore her horrible behavior.  But apparently my prayers from earlier in the day were answered, and I responded with grace and warmth.  I complimented her outfit.  I told her we were happy she was testing with us that day.  I welcomed her, showed her to her locker, and told her where the bathroom was.  She just stood there, looked at me, then collapsed into tears.

She thanked me for being so nice to her. 

She said her day had been “beyond stressful” and she was feeling overwhelmed.  She repeated her gratitude for my being so kind to her.

I just thanked God that He intervened.  I could have responded to her the same way she initiated our interaction, and been justified to do so, but I did not.  I may have had the right to respond negatively to this student, but it was neither beneficial nor constructive.  Instead, another favorite psalm that I pray frequently washed over me.

     “May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” Psalm 19:14 (NIV)

BIBLICAL TRUTH

“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive.  1 Corinthians 10:23 (NIV)

STAY GLAMOROUS

We never know when our words are the only balm a soul so desperately needs.  Sisters, commit to speaking life over each other.  Commit to speaking love, even when the other person is appearing less than lovable.  Commit to praying over your words and ask the Shepherd to guide your interactions so they will glorify Him.  Seek opportunities to be kind in every circumstance.

RESOURCE

Pray This Prayer:  Jesus, there are times when my flesh wants to lash out and be rude and unkind in response to others’ behavior.  Thank You Lord for speaking through me to Tammy.  Thank You for allowing me to witness her hardshell exterior crack under Your goodness.  I know it was all You and that I cannot take any credit.  May every encounter I have today and every day glorify You!  AMEN

Read, “Graceful Living” by Johnette Benkovich

GLAMTALK

Share an incident where you had to extend grace. How did it remind you of the grace God has extended to you?

Decisions, Decisions

Jenessa Hefler

May 16, 2017

Decisions, Decisions

Jenessa Hefler


Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”  We all know this verse and, in fact, probably have a pillow or wall plaque of it in our home… (full disclosure: my current journal has this verse plastered across the front). It is a beautiful promise and an encouraging sentiment when we are faced with decisions, uncertainty, and fear of the future. While this verse is widely known and boldly proclaimed in times of trouble, far fewer of us have read further on in Jeremiah, where it says…

Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:12-13

When I first really read on past 29:11, I was in a season of despair, doubt, and frustration. I desperately wanted to know that God’s plans were good and were indeed plans for a hope and a future, but I frankly I couldn’t see how. As I read, I felt God telling me that His plans were not plans like mine- His plans were not about success, accolades, or life progress like I wanted, but instead for me to come to a place where I would do exactly what 29:12-13 says. All God wanted was for me to seek Him with all of my heart and then suddenly all of those “plans” wouldn’t (and didn’t) matter.

I am now again in a place of decision- making. Nearly nothing in my life is certain right now- I am living with my parents, working temporarily as a substitute teacher while trying to figure out what job is best for me, and uncertain of my boyfriend and I’s next step- and every day I think I’ve figured out the best plan. One day it’s to move to Oakland and become a social worker, the next day it’s to stay at my parents’ house and substitute for one more year to save up money, the next day it’s to stay in Fresno but get my own place and go back into full-time teaching… you get the idea. I am tempted daily to try to figure out God’s plan for my life. I am always trying to see how He is working behind the scenes, crafting me and my surroundings for the best future. But in all this seeking of answers and plans, I have lost the joy that the following words in Jeremiah 29:12-13 promises. I have begun to cling solely to 29:11 again- seeking God’s plan, God’s answers, God’s will for my life, God’s presence.

What if God’s will for my life (and yours..) is just to call upon Him, come and pray to Him, seek Him with all of our heart, and know Him (as 29:12-13 states)? Why does that feel like not enough? Why do I still want an answer, a 5-year plan (or even just a 1-year plan), and success? May I suggest that it is because I don’t trust God. I may trust Him enough to plan it all, but I’d like to know the plans so I can follow along and, in essence, not really have to trust. To that the answer is found in Proverbs 3:5 -6.

BIBLICAL TRUTH

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

STAY GLAMOROUS

God’s presence is not in my (or His) future plans. It is in the right now, the unknown, the unanswered. May I learn to trust Him with all the unknowns and seek only His presence- which is the only answer I will ever need.

  1. Bring your heart before God now. Find a quiet space with your Bible and paper/pen. Write down all of the decisions, fears of the future, and anxiety plaguing you… All of it. Every messy bit. Read them aloud to your Heavenly Father. Then read a Psalms aloud to the Lord (Psalms 27 or 34 are two of my favorites). Ask God to help you trust Him more. Thank Him for the ways He is already working and for His patience with you as you learn to trust.
  2. Google “verses about trusting God” and read them. Write your favorite out on a sticky note and put it somewhere you will read it every day. When you are anxious, read it.
  3. Remember how patient God is. Learning to trust is a lifelong process and daily battle. Just read the Old Testament- the Israelites constantly forgot how faithful God was and turned to their own ways. Yet God was patient. Be patient with yourself too.

RESOURCES

Read, “Let God Be God” by Matthew Brough

GLAMTALK

How has your faith been tested lately? In what ways have you activated your trust in God?

No Guilt, No Shame

Cindricka Arrington

April 20, 2017

No Guilt, No Shame

Cindricka Arrington


“For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy toward those who fear him. (12) As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” Psalms 103:11-12 NKJV

Often it can feel that our faults and shortcomings are so overwhelming that we may never see the promises of God within our lives.  As moms, wives, and girlfriends we often forgive others but not ourselves. The scriptures above remind us that God’s mercy toward us is limitless when we reverence and honor him.

There is no quota of mercy or love with God.

Unlike baseball, we as Christians don’t operate under the three strikes then you’re out of the game rule. We don’t have to be perfect, flawless, the best cook, the best looking or the tidiest.  When we come to God broken, weak, vulnerable and ready to forfeit our own doubts and insecurities, He’s ever ready like the energizer bunny to remove every defeating thought or action.  It’s comforting to know that as far as the California shores are from the African Saharan desert, God has removed every offense. Therefore, we have no guilt or shame because He has graced us for every moment.

BIBLICAL TRUTH

“For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy toward those who fear him. (12) As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” Psalms 103:11-12 NKJV

STAY GLAMOROUS

Walk with your head high, your shoulders back, and your arms outstretched. Receive others just as God has received you. Just as you are. You have limitless opportunities to receive everything God has spoken.

RESOURCE

Read, “Starting Over: Finding God’s Forgiveness When You Find It Hard To Forgive Yourself” by F. Remy Deiderich

GLAMTALK

In what ways has carrying around guilt and shame impacted you? your relationships? your family?

Confident In His Care

Holly Payne

April 6, 2017

Confident In His Care

Holly Payne


But the LORD watches over those who fear him, those who rely on his unfailing love. Psalm 33:18 (NLT)

Recently, I was at the mall with two of my friends. We were sitting in the food court finishing a quick lunch just before we started shopping. Across the way, I noticed a little boy with his mother. He was probably three or four years old, and he was as cute as can be. He was not misbehaving, but was just scampering around the table, always staying very near his mother. He would laugh, she would say something to him, and he would laugh again. At one point, I saw her scoop him up and kiss him and then sit him back down. When they got up to walk away, at first, he held onto her hand by gripping one of her fingers. He was such a little guy and at any point, he could’ve let go, but instead, he kept holding on. However, at some point he did finally let go and he stepped a few paces in front of her, just confidently marching along. Without a care in the world, he was utterly confident. He just knew his mother was right with him, so he was just enjoying being alive.

Long after I left the mall that day, I was still struck by what I witnessed. While he was an exceedingly cute child, that wasn’t the point. What really struck me was how utterly confident he was. He was not yet concerned about any of the cares of this life, nor had he been jaded by the ill effects of people’s behavior. He walked with a certain swagger that demonstrated a no-fear attitude and he was not focused on any negative thing. But even cooler was the fact that he wasn’t just not focusing on negativity. He was totally unaware of its existence.

That’s how we are to live our lives. We have a Father in Heaven who is utterly fixated on us. He knows our every need before we ever have it. He knows the dreams and desires in our hearts because He designed them into the very fiber of our being. So we are completely taken care of.

God never intended for us to focus on anything, good or bad, that would remove our attention from Him. Yet all too quickly, when we experience something like sickness or financial strain, we focus on the lack. I once saw a quote, and I apologize but I cannot remember who said it, but it said:

“Bless the provision instead of curse the lack.”

In other words, we are to focus on what is right with us instead of what we don’t have. As followers of Christ, we always have His presence so we should always be acutely aware of His nearness.

This is not to say that we won’t experience things. That’s simply not true. We will face hardships. At some point, that little boy who was scampering around will grow out of those cute little shoes he was wearing. Yet, by his own accord, he will still be too small to be able to do one thing about his need for shoes. Instead, his loving parent will provide for his needs. At that point, his role in life will simply be to walk in what is provided for him.

That’s what we are to do. When we do experience setbacks, if there is something we can do, we should do it. In the cases where we cannot do anything, we simply admit our inability to do that thing and we take a step of trust in the One who not only can, but will, provide as long as we remain in His presence.

I encourage you today to get your swagger on!  In the spirit, step into that place where confidence in the Lord overrides any insecurities in your life.  Trust Him, because His watchful eye never leaves you. You can be confident in His care.

BIBLICAL TRUTH

But the LORD watches over those who fear him, those who rely on his unfailing love. Psalm 33:18 (NLT)

STAY GLAMOROUS

  • Write down five ways He has taken care of you lately. Be specific. Write them, because there’s power in remembrance.
  • Thank Him for those blessings.
  • Keep a “Blessings Book of Remembrance” in which you keep a running record of His taking care of you.

RESOURCES

Listen to When I Think About the Lord and praise Him.

Watch my video blog about this experience.

GLAMTALK

What are some ways you can be intentional about keeping your focus on the Lord instead of on other distractions?

Rest For The Weary

Elizabeth Rosner

March 27, 2016

Rest For The Weary

Elizabeth Powell Rosner


Trust in and rely confidently on the Lord with all your heart, And do not rely on your own insight or understanding, In all your ways know and acknowledge and recognize Him, And He will make your paths straight and smooth [removing obstacles that block your way]. Proverbs 3:5-6

Are you weary from striving?  This question from Rebekah Lyons’ new release, You are Free, struck a chord in me.  My first thought was that I no longer strive, acknowledging my former ways.  Upon further inspection, however, I found that there are still lingering patterns of this in my life.  Striving is like a kudzu vine, it propels and penetrates, overtaking areas when allowed to grow unfettered.

When I am weary, I pray, “Jesus, be near.” The passage from Proverbs is immediate balm to my battered soul.  It points me to the paradox of freedom in submission. In Him, I am free.  I do not have to rely on my own limited understanding. I do not have to figure it all out. I am not responsible for removing all the obstacles.

So what are my responsibilities?  To seek Him.  To rely confidently on the Lord with all my heart. 

Every burden I attack with this verse is instantaneously laid down.  I can physically feel myself lay it down.  The release is blissful.

Jesus, I have been amazed to see how my desires align with Your ordained promises when I seek You and not the things of this world.  I love You Jesus! AMEN

BIBLICAL TRUTH

Trust in and rely confidently on the Lord with all your heart, And do not rely on your own insight or understanding, In all your ways know and acknowledge and recognize Him, And He will make your paths straight and smooth [removing obstacles that block your way]. Proverbs 3:5-6

STAY GLAMOROUS

Practice laying your burdens down by saying No to at least one thing per day. If you free yourself up from outside distractions, it will help you to focus on the most important person–you!

RESOURCES

Read, “You Are Free: Be Who You Already Are” by Rebekah Lyon

As an aside, I read many books on Audible.com.  My new favorite genre is authors reading their own work. Rebekah reads her book and it is phenomenal! It adds another dimension to the experience.

GLAMTALK

What areas are weighing you down?  In what ways are you carrying too much? In what ways are you seeking to be set free?

 

 

Your Faith Has Healed You

Tiffany Monger

March 16, 2017

Your Faith Has Healed You

Tiffany Monger


“He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.”
‭‭Mark‬ ‭5:34‬ ‭NIV‬‬

We are in a country that is driven by money. Every other commercial on tv is an advertisement of a new drug to treat some type of physical or mental condition. Notice I said treat not cure and the doctors test these medications to see if they “may”work. I am not saying some medications are not needed. However, scripture tells us that our faith can heal us from so many things–High blood pressure, cancer, diabetes, depression, etc.

“He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” ‭‭Mark‬ ‭5:34‬ ‭NIV‬‬

In this scripture her faith healed her from affliction. We know faith is the evidence of things not seen but things hoped for, and we know faith without work is dead. If you are that individual battling afflictions such as high blood pressure, cholesterol, diabetes, heart disease, cancer, etc., step out on faith to seek information on how to cure that particular disease naturally. Try with everything that’s in you to stop eating foods that lead you on a downward spiral to sickness or even death. Consider engaging in more physical activities.  God has the answer, but you have to believe it to achieve it. Don’t get dependent on the treatment when God created a cure. Be like the young lady in Mark 5:34 and go in peace and be free from your suffering.

If you’re struggling to get started or you’re struggling to stay focused, pray this prayer…

Heavenly Father,

I come praying that you help me strengthen any areas of my faith that is weak. God give me direction to seek guidance to improve my health. Lord, give me the strength to fight to seek the way you designed me to be healed. Lead me to the right people, information, or events that can give me the answers. Renew my mind in every area where I have been content with not working on me. I pray for a long healthy life, but I need strength to break bad habits. My desire is to be free from diseases and health issues that want to destroy me so God please do a new thing in me. Amen

BIBLICAL TRUTH

“He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.”
‭‭Mark‬ ‭5:34‬ ‭NIV‬‬

STAY GLAMOROUS

Consider doing a detox this is always beneficial. There are so many to choose from natural ones that is. We take in so much junk and pollution we need to clean the waste out of our bodies. The difference when we remove the junk out of our lives that’s in every area of lives.

RESOURCES 

Get A Full Body Workout In 20 Minutes With Tiffany’s Strive Fitness DVD

GLAMTALK

What’s your biggest fear or deterrent for starting a healthier lifestyle?

Overcoming Contempt in Your Marriage Relationship

Arnita Fields

March 7, 2017

Overcoming Contempt In Your Marriage Relationship

Arnita Fields


As the ark of the Lord was entering the City of David, Michal daughter of Saul watched from a window. And when she saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, she despised him in her heart.” 2 Samuel 6:16

There is a clarion call to guide wives and their spouses back to a place of true unity, particularly those whose bonds have began to unravel over the years. In the noted passage, King David during a time of great celebration at the return of the ark of God, danced in praise and thanksgiving before God. In the midst of what should have been a joyous occasion, his wife Michal daughter of Saul, watched from a window. The passage states she despised him in her heart.

One would ask, how could his wife possibly despise and look down upon her own husband? What led her to believe that she was better than the man who had been chosen by God to be King?

Before you answer, let’s define Despised.

Despised is defined in Merriam Webster as “To look down on with contempt or aversion.”

To take it a step further, Contempt is defined as “Lack of respect or reverence for something.”

Pause for a moment to answer the following questions.

Have you personally experienced this through your spouse or have you ever looked upon your them with any contempt?

What do you believe to be the true source of this behavior?

If you take a few moments to read further into 2 Samuel 6, it will reveal how King David was quite surprised with the behavior of his wife. In fact, he believed Michal not only loved him, but should have been excited with him about what God was doing during this time. Unfortunately, Michal’s contempt for her husband ran deep and did not rise up overnight. Actually it had been incubating in her heart unchallenged for many years. Her father, King Saul prior to her husband was replaced with David by God. For Michal, who believed her family was robbed of this royal seat, became bitter and lost respect for the man who had covered her with his life.

wife husband impotent

In order to not end up broken and bitter as Michal, what can a wife who wants to gain freedom and regain honor and respect for her husband do?  The following are three keys to assist you on this journey.

  1. Ask for the Holy Spirit to look within your heart to reveal what’s beneath the surface.
  2. Acknowledge and repent of any unresolved bitterness towards your spouse.
  3. Activate your faith and rely on God’s strength to restore your respect of your spouse.

BIBLICAL TRUTH

As the ark of the Lord was entering the City of David, Michal daughter of Saul watched from a window. And when she saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, she despised him in her heart.” 2 Samuel 6:16

STAY GLAMOROUS

In order for your marriage to flourish, both you and your spouse must be intentional about doing periodic spiritual checkups. Spend some time making sure your hearts are free of any unresolved bitterness. For the times when you notice things navigating towards a chaotic state, remember to first Ask for the Holy Spirit’s guidance. Then Acknowledge any unresolved bitterness. And last, Activate your faith in order to get back on track.

RESOURCES 

Read, “Spiritual Turbulence” by Arnita Fields

GLAMTALK

What is your spouse’s best traits-spiritually, physically, mentally? How often do you compliment your spouse on those traits?

Thank God I Am Not In Control!

Comeshia Williams

March 3, 2017

Thank God I’m Not In Control!

Comeshia Williams


“I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.” Psalm 32:8  

My oldest son is 16 and is now driving.  While he has experienced driving with my husband or me in the vehicle with him, he has limited experience driving alone.  Today I allowed him to drive my youngest to the library without me.  I don’t know about you, but while I know he has to have the experience, I was scared out of my mind.  Not because of him, he is a great driver, but the fear of not being next to him in the car to guide him.  So, to ease my mind I decided to trail them.  Yes, I must admit, I followed them to the library.  I needed to know that they arrived safely, and I wanted them to know that I was near.

I learned two big lessons from that experience.  First, I am limited in my ability to be by my children’s side every moment of the day to protect them,   Thank God he is not!  He is our father and is omnipotent and omnipresent.  No matter where we go or what we do, my God is near to lead and guide us.  There is no place any of us can be that God is not also there.  As a believer it is comforting to know that God is always with us.  

I also learned that as a parent I have to put less trust in my ability to watch over my children and more trust in God.  Proverbs 3:5 resonated in my soul.  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your path straight.”  Today I tried to lean on my own understanding.  

Thank God for opening my eyes and heart to know that I cannot be for my children what he can.  

I must trust Him and teach my children to trust Him.  So instead of trailing them everywhere, I will continue to pray over and for them.  I will continue to study the word of God with them and let them know that only God will be there for them every single day of their lives.  He is just a prayer away.  They must continue to read and study his word so that they live and breathe His will.

For a minute I actually thought I was in control and had the power to do things only my God can do.  Thank God I am not in control.  Thank God he is!!!

BIBLICAL TRUTH

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.” Psalm 32:8  

“For His eyes are upon the way of a man, and He sees all his steps.” Job 34:21

STAY GLAMOROUS

God is omnipotent, he is omniscient, and he is ever present.

RESOURCES 

Read, “Biblical Parenting” by Paul & Linda Bucknell

GLAMTALK

How have you had to trust God while raising your children?

Let Go of Regret

Holly Payne

February 14, 2017

Let Go of Regret

Holly Payne


“Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14 (NASB)

This is the month I turn 40. It’s kind of hard to believe, but on February 20, I can checkoff four whole decades on the calendar of my life. Forty is a huge milestone for everyone, but it is especially meaningful to me. Diagnosed with a neuromuscular disease that was projected to kill me before the age of three years, I was never expected to live through childhood, much less through my teen years and into adulthood. When I am speaking and sharing my story with people, I like to say that most people dread crow’s feet, but the crow’s feet that are beginning to form around my eyes simply mark the fact that I have been around to laugh a lot longer the doctors ever expected.

In these 40 years of my life, I have experienced many things, both good and bad. There are moments that I will treasure forever, and there are those that I wish I could change and have a “do over.” In other words, like everyone else, I have things that I am proud of, but there are also things that made me cringe to remember. As I have pondered on this over the last year especially, I have begun to realize that now more than ever, it is important to move forward. No one is immune from being human and all that entails, so that means we have all made mistakes. But praise the Lord for being gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love!It is easy to let ourselves slide down the slippery slope of regret into what will eventually be despair if we do not experience a mindset change. We must be committed to renewing our mind daily in order to walk in victory. To do so, we have to do one very specific thing. Let go.
There’s nothing that we can do to change where we have been, what we have done, or how we have handled situations. The past is past. That’s why I love this scripture passage from Philippians. Paul, the apostle, was probably the most well-known earlypersecutor of disciples of Jesus. He was steeped in religious tradition and so deeply indoctrinated that he participated in causing the deaths of those who tried to shine the light of Christ in those early days. However, once he had an encounter with Christ himself, everything changed. He could never go back and “un-persecute” those he had persecuted. He could not “make it right” to the families of those who were imprisoned and killed because of his actions. But he intentionally chose not to live in regret. He made it a point to forget what was past. In this passage, the word “forget” is the Greek word epilanthanomai. The closest translation for it is our English word, forget, but in the original language, it also means“neglecting,” “no longer caring for,” and my personal favorite, “given over to oblivion.” Paul chose to be oblivious to the potential for regret in his past.Why?
Because he had a purpose for the future. Before, he had persecuted believers, but hewas now called to bring believers into the Kingdom. Whereas he had ridiculed the message of the disciples, he now was a disciple preaching the message himself. In order to embrace our purpose, we have to let go of regret.
Sisters, there is a call on each of your lives.
It doesn’t matter what you’ve done. As long as you still have breath in your body and a beating heart, you have the opportunity to make a decision to forget what is past and reach forward to what lies ahead in order to press on toward the goal of the upper call in Christ.
Some of you reading this have felt that you are too far down the wrong road. In fact,you’re reading this right now thinking that on the outside, people think you have it together, while on the inside, you feel absolutely hopeless. You feel that you have missed it. You believe that nothing you can do will really change anything now. But I am here to tell you this.It is not too late. Don’t you dare believe that for one minute. You are called, and you’re chosen. So choose today to embrace your purpose and to walk in it every day you have from this point forward.

BIBLICAL TRUTH

“Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14 (NASB)

STAY GLAMOROUS

– Memorize Philippians 3:13-14.

– Make it a guiding principle in your life.

– If you do have a continuing issue in your life holding you back from your purpose,deal with it so you can move on. Whether it is some type of recurring or habitual sin, or something for which you need healing, reach out to someone who can help you walk into wholeness. Sometimes the things we struggle with have deep roots from traumatic experiences or they come from demonic influences. There are ministries which can help you experience freedom through deliverance and inner healing.

RESOURCES

Listen to “Moving Forward” and live it.

GLAMTALK

What is God calling you to?

To Marry Or Not To Marry?

Jenessa Hefler

February 13, 2017

To Marry Or Not To Marry? That is the (wrong) question

Jenessa Hefler


“For your Maker is your husband- the Lord Almighty is his name… Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken.” Isaiah 54:5,10

It’s the season for love. Everything in our culture and in our DNA screams for love. As the singer Ingrid Michaelson so wisely, yet simply, phrased it “everybody, everybody wants to love; everybody, everybody wants to be loved.” It is clear- we were made for love.

However, even the strongest human love is only a shadow of the love God has for us. We were made to be in relationship with God first- thus no human relationship will ever fully satisfy us. As Christians, we know that to some degree- at least as head knowledge. For many in the world, the closest they will get to understanding God’s love in this life is through the love of a spouse/significant other. So I’m not surprised by society’s idolatry and glamorization of romantic love- Hollywood continually shows us we are incomplete until we find that special someone to complete us, Disney’s happily-ever-after’s almost always come after a true love’s rescue, magazines are full of tips to find, keep, please, and get over your man, and social media newsfeeds are full of celebrations of life stages (new relationships, engagements, marriages, babies). This is to be expected in the world, where romantic love is about as good as it gets. However, why are so many Christians overemphasizing romance, soulmates, and marriage as a life goal? Why is it that the Christians I know are some of the first people to harp on others to get married and take the “next step” in life? Why do Christians ask each other about their love relationships first and far more often than they ask about their relationship with God? Why is it that when sermons are presented on marriage, all of the singles are told to listen to for “when” they get married? Why is marriage a goal in our churches?

Now, I know marriage is a gift from God and His plan for procreation and populating the earth. I have also heard and seen through friends’ marriages that it can be a season full of spiritual growth- you often don’t know how selfish, stubborn, and sinful you are until you get married. I agree that marriage is beautiful and something to be cherished and protected. But I also think the American church has overemphasized relationships and marriage perhaps to the detriment of spiritual growth. We treat marriage as a goal for all, not as an option. Singles are often seen as incomplete, told to patiently wait for God’s timing/plan. But really- what is our purpose in life? To get a good job, marry, have some kids, and retire? No. It is to glorify and worship God with every fiber of our being. And I don’t think you need to get married to do that. In fact, Paul (never married) said this “to the unmarried and the widows I say it is good for them to stay unmarried” for “the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For the world in its present form is passing away.” 1st Corinthians 7: 8, 29-31 Clearly something bigger is at work.

Pursuing God is far more important than pursuing a spouse and as a church we need show that.

As a church kid/teen, I wanted to know God but I also desperately wanted a boyfriend. I earnestly prayed to God for so many years to send me a boyfriend (not even a spouse, just a date, c’mon God). I saw other high school couples raise their held hands to glorify God and I promised God that if He would send me the one, we would be on fire for Him! But as God remained silent and I remained single, I eventually gave up and went to find guys on my own, apart from God. I was surrounded with messages from popular culture and my church that said I was not complete until I found my other half.

I have since learned from experience that no man can complete me and make me feel whole. I have experienced the approval of men and the ups and downs of crushes, talking, dating, and relationships.  And none of it has satisfied like I thought it would- none of it gave me the confidence, peace, and joy I so yearned for. And even while I currently have a boyfriend I love and am very thankful for, I would give it all up if God called me to- because my joy and peace does not lie in my relationship but in my God. So, single friends- you are not defined by your singleness. Married friends- you are not defined by your marriage. Neither of you will find peace in your life apart from God. And God is not waiting on a ring to use you. He loves you, wants you, and is using you NOW. Stop waiting. Start living.

BIBLICAL TRUTH

“For your Maker is your husband- the Lord Almighty is his name… Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken.” Isaiah 54:5,10

STAY GLAMOROUS

  1. What things are you waiting to do until marriage? Travel somewhere? Buy a house? Give your life to missions? Buy a new couch? Pray and choose at least one thing you’ve been saving for marriage and do it now. One of my dear friends so inspired me when she said “I’m not waiting for a wedding registry to buy nice dishes, I’m buying them now because I’m an adult and I can.”
  2. Talk to an unmarried woman who is older than you. Learn about her life story. Ask her questions. Find out where she gets her confidence.
  3. “An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world- how she can please her husband.” 1st Corinthians 7:34
  • Meditate and pray over this verse and all of 1st Corinthians chapter 7. Whether you are married or single, ask God to help you be more devoted to Him in all you do.
  1. Corrie ten Boom was a strong, faithful, humble woman of God. After surviving the Holocaust, she devoted her life to traveling the world to tell others about the God who gave her life and abundant hope in the darkest of places. In her book Tramp for the Lord she has a chapter on singleness (she never married). Read the book if you can! Some of her words to a fellow single woman:

“‘The cross is always difficult. But you are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God (Colossians 3:3). Dear girl, it cannot be safer. That part of you which would cling to a husband is dead. Now you can move into a life where you can be happy with or without a husband– secure in Jesus alone.

RESOURCES

Read, “I Do Or Do I” by J. Robin Maxson

GLAMTALK

How does your current relationship status affect your outlook on life? Have you arrived? Is there still room for growth?

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